Brendan Daly is currently a medical student at Loyola University in Chicago, Illinois. Before he ever studied medicine, Daly was a caregiver to his late friend Gabe Weil, an individual who had Duchenne muscular dystrophy. Weil died in 2016.
It all began after Daly graduated from Washington University in St. Louis, Missouri. Wanting to take a break between undergraduate studies and medical school, Daly got a job as a full-time caregiver for a man named Gabe Weil. Both men were in their twenties and had a fair amount in common. It was no surprise when they wound up as friends.
The ins and outs
"Gabe had Duchenne muscular dystrophy and needed assistance with all 6 ADLs (Activities of Daily Living). I worked with him full time for a year - 8 am to 5 pm, helping him up in the morning, getting lunch, running errands, doctors' appointments, etc.," said Daly. "After working full time for 2 years, I went back to school for a Master of Public Health and continued to work with Gabe part-time, filling in where he needed help."
"Initially I was fairly rigid in our interactions. I tried to be formal and proper. That fell away pretty quickly. Which isn't to say I wasn't working hard or doing my job well - I was always attentive... But Gabe cut through the nonsense. As much as I was essential to allow him to get through the ADLs and live his life, I think he valued me more as a friend/sidekick/partner in crime. I think we both played off each other well. We'd often bring out the more ridiculous side in each other."
As a caregiver, Daly's day was pretty full, starting at a bright and early 8 am.
"Another part-time caregiver and I would wake Gabe up - assist with toileting, showering, dressing and getting into the chair. This process took between 1-2 hours. Then making juice - Gabe had difficulty chewing so homemade juice was how he got a lot of his veggies. Then we'd get ready for the day - figure out what errands we needed to do, meeting with friends for lunch, [and maybe] go see a movie. Then back [to his home] at 5 pm for his PT/OT appointment."
Becoming friends
Weil and Daly were thick as thieves. They became great friends and did everything together. From having the same interests in movies and TV shows to eating out, to going to the cinema together, they were inseparable.
With a thirst for adventure, Weil and Daly went across the country with one another. "We traveled together, twice to Chicago, New Orleans, and Tampa." Since Weil's diagnosis and medical necessities made it difficult to travel via plane, they always road tripped. Windshield time proved to be especially fruitful for bonding.
"He was a great friend. He had a unique and interesting perspective on life, and he was willing to share," said Daly. But being a caregiver wasn't always easy. "[I]t was difficult in a lot of ways. Needing to help him to the emergency room and through an extended hospital stay was exhausting, and it wasn't until afterward did I realize how scary it really was. As much as I was able to have fun with Gabe in the day-to-day, there was stress hanging over my shoulder. If something went wrong, something happened I was in charge to solve the problem, be that calling 911 or figuring out which doctor to call"¦"
One of the things that Daly learned firsthand was the necessity for neurotypical individuals in society to become educated about individuals with disabilities or special needs. think there are a lot of little ways about interacting with people in wheelchairs. I can't tell you how many times a waiter asked me what Gabe wanted to eat. "˜He's right there! Ask him!' I think there were a million little lessons like that," said Daly.
Practical application
When asked if his time spent as a caregiver influenced his career choice, Daly said, think it was less about influencing the career choice. Since freshman year I wanted to be a physician. Working with Gabe made me more comfortable and understanding of people's needs and what it really means to have certain odds stacked against you."
For other caregivers, Daly stresses the need for introspection. "Listen to yourself," he said. "Check in with yourself and how you're doing. If something is bothering you, address it. Gabe and I talked through a lot of little stuff to make sure things ran smoothly between us. No relationship is perfect, it all depends on the amount you're willing to be honest and make changes. In a caregiver relationship, you have to be extra aware of any nuanced differences."
Learn more
If you want to know more about Gabe Weil and Brendan Daly, you can check out the documentary "Gabe" on Amazon Prime Video.
Share your story!
In the coming weeks on our blog, we will be sharing the stories of the special needs community. If you have a story to tell, please email us.
