Here's The Question
One of the questions submitted anonymously asks about how to use ninja therapy to teach a child age-appropriate affection. The mother of a fifteen-year-old son who has limited speech and cognitive abilities asked how to teach her child about boundaries regarding physical touch and proximity. At his previous school when he was little, her son was allowed to, by very chill administrators, give his instructional assistants kisses on the cheek as a greeting. Now that he is older, he is still asking for kisses, but it has become less age appropriate. The mother goes on to say that she has tried to curb his behavior that the instructional assistants to ask for a handshake, a high five, or a pat on the back. Well, the great news is that our OT, Emily, is filled with ideas about how to encourage age-appropriate affection for a fifteen-year-old in school. Below is Emily's ninja therapy solutions! Occupational Therapist, Emily Martin coined the term "ninja therapy" to describe her way of helping kids address their sensory and developmental needs in subtle ways. By disguising therapeutic activities in a friendly, not-so-clinical way, kiddos get the benefits of the therapy they need wrapped up in a discreet way.
Let's Break It Down
"When trying to deter perceived negative behaviors to something perceived as positive, it is usually recommended to follow an ABC behavior chart:
(A) Antecedent:
Is he asking for a kiss when he comes to school or leaves school or is throughout the day?
(B) Behavior:
He is asking for a kiss.
(C) Consequence:
As he ages, this could make others feel uncomfortable or have a negative impact on participation in school, work, or social activities, even despite his sweet and innocent nature.
Keeping Track
As an OT, from my understanding, his behavior of asking for kisses is a learned and reinforced behavior that in some areas of life is entirely appropriate. However, in a school and work setting, it's not appropriate. I suggest observing him to understand if his behavior is a learned behavior or an attention seeking behavior. To get a better grasp of his behavior, ask the staff to keep a
chart to see if there is a pattern. It can provide you with an idea of how to address it, and create a new pattern of behavior.
Ninja Therapy Solutions
Learned Behavior
If you think his expression of affection is a learned behavior, I suggest a visual schedule. Visual schedules can be used for the start of school day tasks, like put backpack away, put lunch away, high-five teacher and other students. That way, if or when he asks for a kiss, you or the teachers can direct him to the visual schedule to reinforce the new way of coming or leaving school. (For a free, editable visual schedule, click
here.) He will be giving and receiving the physical attention appropriately for his setting. By just telling him to stop his behavior, he might ask "Ok, what do I do now?" Instead, visual schedules are a gentle and ninja-like way of reinforcing a new behavior by giving him the answer to "What do I do now?"
Attention Seeking Behavior
If it's attention seeking behavior, I suggest that you and the teacher or instructional assistants come up with a script that is simple and positive for each time he asks for a kiss. In doing so, they are answering consistently with an immediate redirection to another form of physical attention such as the handshake (this is also a chance to learn an age-appropriate greeting that can stay with him into adulthood and generalized to other areas of life). I would also to come up with another positive feedback way of providing him with attention based on his likes so his attention needs are being met (again, analyzing the chart to see a pattern will give you an idea of when he is asking for a kiss is it a response to a stressor, is it when he is bored, etc.) Learning a new behavior can take a while and may need lots of redirection but over time with consistent strategies, you will see a change.
Other Factors To Consider
The other thing to consider at his is age is the fact that he is a 15-year-old young man with the same drives as other young men his age. When did this behavior start? Was this a new behavior when he started hormonal changes and sexual curiosity? Is he wanting the attention of the opposite sex? If these factors are driving the behavior, it might be in your best interest to meet with the school psychologist to come up with an affirmative behavior plan to act early to deter the development of other behaviors. Other environmental modifications can also help support him during this time in his life. Try things like
compression clothing to provide sensory feedback. If there is a specific person that he consistently asks for a kiss, maybe limit his interactions with that person. " -Emily Martin, OT
Going Forward
Ninja therapy is a great way to help kids reach their goals, whether its behavioral, physical, or school-related. Please remember that, while these tactics might work for some, they may not work for all. Each child, situation, school, and parent are different. No one knows your child better than you do, so remember that each suggestion we make is to be used at your discretion. If you have more questions, you can fill out the "ask the expert" form below. Please keep in mind that filling out this form results in the potential for your question to be anonymously shared on our blog with our answer. We try to be as responsive and helpful as possible, but submitting your question does not guarantee a response.
